You know how people always say that pregnant women glow?  I awoke on Wednesday morning to a dreamlike fairytale.  While the expecting technician drew my blood, her eyes shone in my gaze.  I felt almost no pain at all, seeing her pretty face.  I realized that radiance had nothing to do with fertility, only the anticipation of life.  Her gentle, caring, motherly nature made me feel like home.  I couldn’t help but love her at that moment.

As a younger man, I was quite envious of those who shared their romance.  Maturity gave me the chance to find gladness for others.  I used to wonder what loving someone forever would be like.  Now, I simply watch on as the potential girl of my heart falls out of window view and hope she’ll twirl in happiness.  Thinking upon the aforementioned darling of a healthcare professional, however, made me want someone soft and warm.

The other night, I actually broke down in front of Lisa when I saw that it was four o’clock following physiotherapy.  I don’t have time to sleep anymore because of my swallowing problems.  Gulping water and Jell-O takes hours if I’m lucky.  It hit hard, the realization that I was on the verge of losing everything.  I kind of lost it for a minute or two.

Sometimes I can’t stand to live another day.  I can’t take any more of this… death, but the way out seems so far from my character that even imagining it is mind-boggling.  I keep wondering if God programmed me to be a hopeful romantic for a reason.  Or did I curse myself when I tried solving the mystery of a girl’s heart?

I remember having a crush on a young nurse a couple years ago.  Whenever she gave my suppository, her breasts were all over my side.  It made me smile during those moments, when I realized how much I missed her face.  I suppose the colours I observe are of another spectrum.

Every time I write of romanticisms though, I never fail to draft my thoughts with what it means to love a woman.  After all, loving someone is about having the mindset of what you can do for her.  Well, this one is about me, and what do I want?  It feels strange writing this, but below is a list of ten things that I hope you, my future girlfriend, whoever you are, will do for Ricky… or, yours truly:

  1. Take Ricky to the park on a summer afternoon and whisper, “Everything is going to be okay.” He once fell when he was little, while all alone in the courtyard.

  2. Close your eyes at midnight and dance beneath the orange hue of streetlights in your flowered yellow dress. Signal him to come near to you with an invitation from your fingertips.

  3. Hold his hand sometimes, but definitely not the right (joystick) one! Can you really blame him for not wanting to run over your lovely toes?

  4. Start a collaboration romance story at the beginning of your relationship. He often feels inadequate, not being able to do some things for you.  Writing makes all things possible.

  5. Lay next to him in his hospital bed and play “find the creature” under the popcorn ceiling skies. Share the silliest jokes in the world and laugh like a pair of dorks.

  6. When you have your silent moment together, be sure to make him reveal the wonderland of his mind, even his deepest, darkest secrets. You might love him more?

  7. Reassure him that you know you couldn’t have been just any girl that came along. It’s a worry that haunts him on a reoccurring basis.

  8. Sit in front of him and play with his (buzzed) kiwi head. Kiss his forehead and stroke his cheeks.  Your smile will always make his day.

  9. Write him a love letter. He has been writing them to himself for the longest time and receiving one from you would mean the world to him.

  10. Hold him as if he’s holding you and place your head upon his shoulder. Let your naturally flowing hair become the silk between your faces so he will miss you just a little more.