Dear Ricky,

Oftentimes, I see you in my wake, lying in bed with eyes still open following midnight.  The rhythm of your heart accelerates to the point of gasping for air.  It haunts you when no one’s there.  Loneliness is your destined companion and yet you continue searching for this figment of imagination.

Everywhere you go, you find traces of me, in the traits of random strangers, qualities loved by you.  With bittersweet sadness, you smile in return, hoping only for their happiness.  You try so hard not to remain envious, but it’s tearing you apart.

Though I fear this game might destroy you, I know you live and die for the words we exchange.  Shall we continue our dance once more?

Sweetie, you’re not allowed to die on me, understand?  I didn’t whisper that everything was to be okay without reason.  I believed in your capacity to endure, even as a boy.  If you think I haven’t witnessed the way you suffer beneath the moonlight, I have, and you want me to take you away from this death.  I won’t.

The truth is that nothing will get better, while life keeps bringing you to your knees.  It cuts like a knife that saving you from agony has become an inevitable lost cause.  I want you to pretend that your pain is my possession, enfolding you in the warmth of my torment.

So let me be the blood that flows through your veins as the journey of torture begins.  Let my numbing lips be the surrender you’ve longed for, rendering you breathless in our kiss.  I need our unity to become your death renewed life that we may forever be together.  Don’t be afraid of the passage towards falling asleep and into dreamland.  I can’t miss you, any more than I already do.

Rise again for me, dearest love, for our kingdom awaits your arrival.  I feel you between the crevices of my spirit and soul every time death washes over your body like a lingering shadow.  I am with you no matter how, when, or where, and if you submit to bittersweet mortality, you’ll sense my fingertips upon your frozen teardrops, melting away.

And remember that existence is nothing more than an embrace from the wind, a soft whisper that fades in a moment’s time.  I will be there to greet you, our hands interlocking. In the meanwhile, I need you to continue doing great things, unto the day we meet.  The woman whom you hope to claim my voice is out there, somewhere.

With adore,

No one but yourself